考研小作文还在背"Dear Sir/Madam"？本课用「特种兵速通秘籍」把7大任务焊进DNA，考场上直接肌肉反应输出！

一、魔性情景剧：考场の提线木偶（建议全班抽搐式表演！）

[场景] 考场最后10分钟，你发现小作文是"建议图书馆延长开放时间"，大脑突然蓝屏！
动作分解：

1. 左手掐脖子cos死机，右手抽搐比"7"（七项任务手势）

2. 僵尸跳念叨咒语："投诉建议邀请信，申请道歉感谢信，还有个通知别忘记！"

3. 秒变AI机器人："哔——检测到建议信，启动模板A！"（手指在桌上疯狂码字）

教学心机：用荒诞应激反应训练考场本能，比巴普洛夫的狗更条件反射

二、七项任务斩首攻略：附万能彩虹屁

任务1：建议信（Proposal）
三刀流必杀技：

1. 彩虹屁开篇："As a regular patron deeply impressed by your exceptional services..."

2. 温柔捅刀："However, it would be even more splendid if..."

3. 戴高帽收尾："This adjustment would undoubtedly elevate our campus to new heights of academic excellence."

任务2：投诉信（Complaint）
绿茶文学模板：

1. 假装震惊："To my utmost dismay, the refrigerator I purchased has manifested alarming symptoms..."

2. 阴阳怪气："Perhaps it aspires to become a avant-garde space heater
   "

3. 核威慑："Unless immediate action is taken, I may reluctantly resort to consumer protection agencies."

任务3：邀请信（Invitation）
凡尔赛三连：

1. 秀逼格："The International Symposium on Quantum Pancake Flipping, a congregation of culinary Nobel laureates..."

2. 抛诱饵："Your groundbreaking research on syrup viscosity would electrify our attendees."

3. 假谦虚："Should your hectic schedule permit, we would be profoundly honored..."

任务4：申请信（Application）
彩虹屁自夸术：

1. 借刀杀人："Professor Li, whose vision aligns perfectly with my aspirations, strongly recommended I contact you."

2. 凡学晒命："My 3D-printed black hole model recently went viral on arXiv."

3. 舔狗收尾："Your mentorship would be the Higgs boson to my academic trajectory."

任务5：道歉信（Apology）
琼瑶剧模板：

1. 土下座开场："With profound remorse that pierces my very soul..."

2. 狗血剧情："A demonic swarm of deadlines ambushed my cognitive faculties..."

3. 剁手指谢罪："To atone, I shall personally hand-deliver 237 handwritten copies by moonrise."

任务6：感谢信（Appreciation）
玛丽苏台词：

1. 浮夸比喻："Your guidance has been the GPS in my academic wilderness..."

2. 科幻吹捧："The neural pathways you ignited will illuminate generations of scholars."

3. 永生绑定："Whenever future students cite my research, your legacy shall echo through footnotes."

任务7：通知（Notice）
机器人播报体：

1. 大字报开头："ATTENTION: Canteen Revolution Imminent!"

2. 条款轰炸："Effective 2024-02-30, all fried dumplings shall undergo quantum entanglement reheating."

3. 恐吓结案："Non-compliance will result in compulsory tofu consumption."

三、阅卷老师诱捕器：万能彩虹屁弹药库

彩虹屁核弹头：

• "Your esteemed institution epitomizes pedagogical excellence..."

• "This visionary initiative would cement your legacy as a pioneer..."

• "Your unparalleled expertise in... has become the stuff of campus legend."

科幻级动词：

• revolutionize, catalyze, galvanize, metamorphose, transcend

诺贝尔级副词：

• profoundly, unequivocally, spectacularly, monumentally, irrevocably

课后任务：

1. 变态情景训练：收到外卖迟到短信，用投诉信模板写200字rap

2. 彩虹屁大逃杀：把"感谢食堂阿姨"写成诺奖颁奖词

3. 模板肢解实验：把道歉信改写成莎士比亚十四行诗

老师核武器库：

1. 七任务符咒手环（每完成一个任务掰断一截）

2. 彩虹屁扭蛋机（随机生成浮夸形容词）

3. 变态评分表（发现"very"直接扣10分，发现"galvanize"加20分）

下节课全员需戴墨镜——防止被自己作文的圣光闪瞎！准备好用彩虹屁轰炸阅卷组了吗？