I believe that my beliefs are changing. Nothing is positive.Perhaps I’m in a stage of metamorphosis, which will one day have me emerging complete, sure of everything.Perhaps, I shall spend my life searching.
This winter, I came to college. The questions put to me changed.Lists of facts-and who dragged whom how many times around the walls of what-lost importance.Instead, I was asked eternal question：what is beauty, what is truth, what is God?I talked about faith with other students.I read St.Augustine and Tolstoy.I wondered if I hadn’t been worshipping around the edges.Nature and art were the edges, and inner faith was the center.I discovered-really discovered-that I had a soul.
Just sitting in the sun one day, I realized the shattering meaning of St.Augustine’s statement that，“The sun and the moon, all the wonders of nature, are not God’s first works but second to spiritual works.”I had, up till then, perceived spiritual beauty only through the outward.It had come into me.Now I am groping towards an inner, spiritual consciousness that will be able to go out from me.I am lost in the middle ground.I’m learning.
-positive [ˈpɔzətɪv]adj.积极的；肯定的；明确的；正面的
典型例句
We have no positive proof of her guilt.
我们没有她犯罪的确切证据。
联想记忆
negative adj.否定的；消极的；负面的
-emerge [ɪˈmɜːdʒ]v.涌现，（由隐没处、暗处等）出现，出来；浮现
典型例句
I saw the man emerge from the bank.
我看见那男人从银行里出来。
联想记忆
emergency n.突发事件；紧急状态
-drag [dræg]v.拖，拉，扯，拽
典型例句
The cat was dragging its broken leg.
那只猫拖着伤腿吃力地走。
最常用法
drag away 将……拉走；将……硬拖走
联想记忆
drug n.毒品；药
-importance [ɪmˈpɔːtns]n.重要性；重大；有价值
典型例句
This matter is of vital importance to us.
这件事对我们来说至关重要。
最常用法
attach importance to 重视
联想记忆
important adj.重要的；重大的；非常有价值的
-instead [ɪnˈsted]adv.代替；更换
典型例句
We’ve no coffee.Would you like tea instead?
我们没有咖啡了。改喝茶好吗？
最常用法
instead of 作为某人/某事物的替换
联想记忆
substitute v.代替
-shattering [ˈʃætərɪŋ]adj.令人极度不安的；令人震惊的
典型例句
The news was shattering.
这个消息令人震惊。
联想记忆
shatter v.打碎，粉碎
-spiritual [ˈspɪrɪtʃuəl]精神的；心灵的；非物质的
典型例句
I care more about the spiritual life than the substantial life.
和物质生活相比，我更注重精神生活。
最常用法
spiritual beauty 内在美
联想记忆
substantial adj.实物的；真实的
-perceive [pəˈsiːv]v.意识到，注意到
典型例句
I plainly perceive some complaints remain.
我清楚地意识到还有人反对。
最常用法
perceive sth.as sth.理解或领悟某事物；认为
联想记忆
realize v.实现；了解；意识到
我坚信，自己的信仰一直在改变。没有什么事情是绝对的。或许，我还只是处在幼体的发育阶段，总有一天我会发育完全，就会对一切深信不疑；或许，我将用一生的时间去探索。
今年冬天，我开始了大学生活。我所面临的问题也有所改变。很多事实与那些“谁拉着谁徘徊在哪个墙边多少次？”的问题已变得毫无意义。相反，一些永恒的问题出现在我的面前，比如，何为美？何为真？何为上帝？我与其他学生探讨信仰的问题，我阅读圣奥古斯丁与托尔斯泰的著作。我想知道，自己是否一直徘徊在信仰的边缘。自然与艺术皆为边缘，心中的信仰才是核心所在。我真实地发现，自己拥有一个灵魂。
一天，当我坐在阳光下时，我猛然明白了圣奥古斯丁的话的涵义：太阳与月亮，所有自然界的奇迹，皆非上帝的“初作”，而是精神上的二次创造。直到那一刻，通过外部的事物，我才认识到精神上的美，那种美已经走进我的心中。如今，我正在通往内在精神意识的道路上摸索前行，希望有一天能够将它们从我的内心唤醒。我迷失在探索之中，我在学习。