The day my fiancé fell to his death, it started to snow, just like any November day, just like the bottom hadn't fallen out of my world when he fell off the roof. His body, when I found it, was lightly covered with snow. It snowed almost every day for the next four months, while I sat on the couch and watched it pile up.
One morning, I shuffled downstairs and was startled to see a snowplow clearing my driveway and the bent back of a woman shoveling my walk. I dropped to my knees, crawled through the living room, and back upstairs so those good Samaritans would not see me. I was mortified. My first thought was, how would I ever repay them? I didn't have the strength to brush my hair, let alone shovel someone's walk.
Before Jon's death, I took pride in the fact that I rarely asked for help or favors. I defined myself by my competence and independence. So who was I if I was no longer capable and busy? How could I respect myself if all I did was sit on the couch every day and watch the snow fall?
Learning how to receive the love and support that came my way wasn't easy. Friends cooked for me and I cried because I couldn't even help them set the table. “I'm not usually this lazy,” I wailed. Finally, my friend Kathy sat down with me and said, “Mary, cooking for you is not a chore. I love you and I want to do it. It makes me feel good to be able to do something for you.”
Over and over, I heard similar sentiments from the people who supported me during those dark days. One very wise man told me, “You are not doing nothing. Being fully open to your grief may be the hardest work you will ever do.”
I am not the person I once was, but in many ways I have changed for the better. The fabric of my life is now woven with gratitude and humility. I have been surprised to learn that there is incredible freedom that comes from facing one's worst fear and walking away whole. I believe there is strength in surrender.
【日积月累】
-Samaritan n. 撒马利亚人；心地善良乐于助人的人
-mortify v. 使苦恼
-sentiment n. 态度，情绪，意见（的表示）
-gratitude n. 感谢的心情
-incredible adj. 难以置信的
【参考译文】
最难做的事
我未婚夫去世的那天，天开始下着雪，就像11月的天气一样，就像我的世界并没有因为他从房顶上摔下去都垮塌。当我找到他的尸体时，上面盖着薄薄的一层雪。接下来的4个月几乎每天都下雪，而我就坐在沙发上看着雪慢慢堆积起来。
一天早上，我拖着步子走下楼梯，惊讶地看到一台扫雪机正在清扫我的车道，还有一个女人正弯腰铲去走道上的雪。我难堪极了。我跪在地上，爬过起居室，回到楼上，好让这些热心人看不到我。我最先想到的是：我该怎样才能回报他们？我连梳头发的力气的没有，更不用说帮别人铲雪了。
在乔恩去世前，我以鲜向他人索要帮助为荣。我觉得自己能干而且独立。如果我不再能干，不再忙碌，那我又是谁？如果我成天就坐在沙发上看下雪，那我又哪来自尊？
学会接受别人给我的爱和支持并不容易。朋友们给我煮饭，我却哭了，因为我连摆桌子都不能做。“我平常没这么懒，”我哭着说。我的朋友凯瑟坐在我旁边对我说：“玛丽，煮饭给你吃不是苦差事。我爱你所以愿意这么做。能为你做点什么我很高兴。”
一次又一次，我从那些帮助我度过那段黑暗日子的人们嘴里听到相似的安慰。有一个非常睿智的人告诉我：“你并不是无所事事。尽情释放你的悲伤也许是你做过最艰难地事。”
我已经不再是从前的我了，很多方面我变得更好了。我的生活是由感恩和谦卑交织而成的。我很惊奇地了解到，如果面对过自己最痛苦的最可怕的经历，并坚强地挺过来，你会感受到难以置信地自由。我相信在放弃中缊藏着力量。
【人生启迪】
每个人都会遇到人生的低谷，但是那段时期里默默帮助我们的好心人就像是隧道尽头的光芒，给我们力量让我们坚持到最后。举手之劳也许就能改变别人的命运，相信如何权量难不倒你。