The Lowest Animal 最低等动物

马克·吐温(Mark Twain)

Man is the only animal that robs his helpless fellow of his country — takes possession of it and drives him out of it or destroys him. Man has done this in all the ages. There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle after cycle, by force and bloodshed.

Man is the only Slave. And he is the only animal who enslaves. He has always been a slave in one form or another, and has always held other slaves in bondage under him in one way or another. In our day he is always some man's slave for wages, and does that man's work; and this slave has other slaves under him for minor wages, and they do his work. The higher animals are the only ones who exclusively do their own work and provide their own living.

Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for “the universal brotherhood of man” — with his mouth.

Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion — several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven. He was at it in the time of the Caesars, he was at it in Mahomet's time, he was at it in the time of the Inquisition , he was at it in France a couple of centuries, he was at it in England in Mary's day, he has been at it ever since he first saw the light, he is at it today in Crete — as per the telegrams quoted above — he will be at it somewhere else tomorrow.

Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute . Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal. Note his history, as sketched above. It seems plain to me that whatever he is he is not a reasoning animal. His record is the fantastic record of a maniac . I consider that the strongest count against his intelligence is the fact that with that record back of him he blandly sets himself up as the head animal of the lot: whereas by his own standards he is the bottom one.

In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately .

- multitudinous [ˌmʌltɪˈtjuːdɪnəs] a. 极多的，无数的

- Inquisition [ˌɪnkwɪˈzɪʃn] n. 宗教法庭

as per 根据

open to dispute 值得争议

- maniac [ˈmeɪnɪæk] n. 疯子

- blandly [ˈblændlɪ] ad. 泰然自若地，满不在乎地

set himself up as 自封为……

- affectionately [əˈfekʃnətlɪ] ad. 温柔亲切地

人类是唯一掠夺本国无助的同胞、占有他们的财物、把他们驱逐出境或者把他们毁灭掉的动物。自古以来，人的秉性不移，莫不如此。在这个星球上，没有一英亩土地归于正当的原主，或者不是通过暴力和血腥残杀从一个个主人手中夺走，周而复始，无休无止。

人类是唯一的奴隶，也是唯一实施奴役的动物。他一直是某种形式上的奴隶，而且总是以这种或那种方式奴役别人，将他们置于自己的束缚之下。在我们的时代，人总是为赚钱而成为他人的奴隶，为他人而工作；而这个奴隶手下又有其他的奴隶，为之效劳，赚取微不足道的薪酬。高等动物只是那些仅做自己的工作、自食其力的人。

人类是唯一的爱国者。他打着自己的旗号，在自己的国家独树一帜，嘲笑其他国家，而且以高昂的代价身边豢养大量秘密刺客，去掠夺别的国家的一片片的土地，并且阻止别人夺走自己的一片片土地。在一场场战役的间歇，他洗掉自己手上的鲜血，致力于“全人类的手足之情”——纯属嘴上一套。

人类是信奉宗教的动物。它是唯一信教的动物。它是唯一有真正宗教信仰的动物——有好几种宗教信仰。他是唯一的动物，爱邻居如同自身，而如果邻居的观念信仰不对头，他会把他干掉。他以最大的诚意，为他的弟兄铺平通往幸福和天堂的道路，从而把整个地球变成了一座大坟墓。他在恺撒时代是这样，在穆罕默德时代是这样，在中世纪宗教法庭的时代是这样，若干世纪内在法国是这样，在玛丽女王时代的英国也是这样，他从生下来看见第一道光线起就是这样，他现在在克里特岛上就是这样——根据上文所引用的电报判断——他明天将在某处也会继续这样。

人类是一种理性的动物，不过对这种说法我不敢苟同，觉得大有争议余地。事实上，我的实验向我证明，人类是不讲道理的动物。注意一下上面概述的人类的历史。在我看来很清楚，说他是什么都行，就是不是理性的动物。他的记录就是怪诞的疯子的记录。我认为否定他的智力最有力的就是这样一个事实，身背着这样的历史记录，他竟然还大言不惭地自封为万物之首：然而按他自己的标准，他应是最低等的动物。

事实上，人类愚蠢到无可救药。其他动物一学就会的简单东西，人类怎么也学不会。这是我所做的实验之一。我在一小时以内教会了一只猫一条狗做朋友。我把它们关到笼子里。我又在另一个小时之内教会它们和一只兔子做朋友。两天之内，我还放进去了一只狐狸，一只鹅，一只松鼠和几只鸽子，最后放进去的是一只猴子。它们在一起和平共处，甚至还挺亲热呢。

马克·吐温(1835—1910)，美国小说家、政治家，经历过无数生活磨难，最后走上文学创作的道路。他的《汤姆·索亚历险记》(The Adventures of Tom Sawyer ，1876)，《王子与贫儿》(The Prince and The Pauper ，1881)以及代表作《哈克贝利·费恩历险记》(The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn ，1884)，揭露、批判了社会邪恶，表达了民主的理想。他的散文中流露出浓厚的悲观主义绝望情绪。他的作品丰富了世界文学宝库。他那深沉的幽默、辛辣的讽刺、简练生动的文笔，对后来的众多美国作家都有很深的影响。