A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
The man replies, “Come on, a dog?”
The owner says, “How about a cat?”
The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!”
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I've got it! A centipede !”
The man says, “A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay — I'll try a centipede.”
He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede. “Clean the kitchen.”
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate ! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.”
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped ; flowers watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing that I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!”
Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.”
The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside.
The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?”
The centipede says, “I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!”
一个人走进宠物店，跟店主说他想买个无所不能的宠物。店主推荐他买狗，因为狗对人忠诚。
那人回答：“得了吧，买狗？”
店主说：“买猫怎么样？”
那人回答：“那不行！猫肯定什么也干不了，我要买的宠物得什么都能干！”
店主想了一下，然后说：“有了！您买蜈蚣吧！”
那人说：“蜈蚣？万能蜈蚣？我想象不出来。但是，好吧——来一只试试。”
他把蜈蚣带回了家，并对蜈蚣说：“把厨房打扫干净。”
三十分钟以后，他走进厨房……简直完美！碗和银器都洗好、擦干、放好了；家用电器闪闪发光；地板上了蜡。他惊讶坏了。
他对蜈蚣说：“去把客厅打扫干净。”
二十分钟以后，他走进客厅，看到地毯已经用吸尘器吸干净了；家具也擦干净了，除了尘；沙发上的靠枕也拍蓬松了；花也浇好了。他暗自想：“从没见过这么神奇的事儿！果真是万能宠物啊！”
接着， 他对蜈蚣说：“去街角，给我买份报纸。”
蜈蚣出了门。十分钟过去了……不见蜈蚣回来。二十分钟过去了……蜈蚣还是没回来。三十分钟过去了……还是不见蜈蚣。这下主人好奇究竟出了什么事。他走去前门，一开门……只见蜈蚣就坐在门外。
主人说：“嘿！45分钟前我就让你去街角商店给我买报纸了，你怎么回事啊？”
蜈蚣说：“我这就去！我这就去！我正穿鞋呢！”
-centipede [ˈsentɪpiːd] n. 蜈蚣
-immaculate [ɪˈmækjələt] adj. 洁净的；无瑕疵的
-appliance [əˈplaɪəns] n. 家用电器
-plump [plʌmp] v. (通过摇抖或拍打)使膨松
许多时候，我们不是跌倒在自己的缺陷上，而是跌倒在自己的优势上。