约翰·H. 纽曼(John H. Newman)
Hence it is, that it is almost a definition of a gentleman, to say he is one who never inflicts pain. This description is both refined and, as far as it goes, accurate. He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those about him; and he concurs with their movements rather than takes the initiative himself. His benefits may be considered as parallel to what are called conforts or conveniences in arrangements of a personal nature; like an easy chair or a good fire, which do their part in dispelling cold and fatigue, thought nature provides both means of rest and animal heat without them. The true gentleman in like manner carefully avoids whatever may cause a jar or a jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast; — all clashing of opinion, or collision of feeling, all restraint, or suspicion, or gloom, or resentment; his great concern being to make every one at their ease and at home. He has his eyes on all his company: he is tender towards the bashful , gentle towards the distant, and merciful towards the absurd; he can recollect to whom he is speaking; he guards against unseasonable allusions, or topics which may irritate; he is seldom prominent in conversation, and never wearisome. He makes light of favours while he does them, and seems to be receiving when he is conferring. He never speaks of himself except when compelled, never defends himself by a mere retort, he has no ears for slander or gossip, is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him, and interprets every thing for the best. He is never mean or little in his disputes, never takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personalities or sharp sayings for arguments, or insinuates evil which he dare not say out. From a long-sighted prudence, he observes the maxim of the ancient sage, that we should ever conduct ourselves towards our enemy as if he were one day to be our friend. He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults, he is too well employed to remember injuries, and too indolent to bear malice. He is patient, forbearing, and resigned, on philosophical principles; he submits to pain, because it is inevitable, to bereavement, because it is irreparable, and to death, because it is his destiny. If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the Blundering discourtesy of better, though less educated minds; who, like blunt weapons, tear and hack instead of cutting clean, who mistake the point in argument, waste their strength on trifles, misconceive their adversary, and leave the question more involved than they find it. He may be right or wrong in his opinion, but he is too clear-headed to be unjust; he is as simple as he is forcible, and as brief as he is decisive.
- concur [kənˈkɜː] v. (言行)步调一致
- bashful [ˈbæʃfl] a. 害羞的，拘束的
- unseasonable [ʌnˈsiːzənəbl] a. 不合时宜的
- scrupulous [ˈskruːpjələs] a. 一丝不苟的
- insinuate [ɪnˈsɪnjueɪt] v. 暗示，旁敲侧击
因此，可以说，他是一个从不使别人遭受痛苦的人，这几乎就是为一个有修养的人所下的定义。这样描述是精妙的，而且，就其本身而言，也是贴切的。他主要致力于为周围的人们排除妨碍他们进行自由而不拘谨的活动时所面临的障碍；他附和他们的行动，而不是自己采取主动。他这样做的好处可以看做类似于所谓人们相互之间作安排时所带来的舒适和便利：就像一把安乐椅或者一个温暖的炉火，它们能驱散寒冷和疲倦，虽然没有它们，大自然也能提供休息和增加体温的方法。同样，一个真正有修养的人总是小心翼翼地避免给他身边的人造成心理上的刺激或震惊——各种意见的分歧，或者情感的不和，种种拘谨，或者疑心，或者愁闷的情绪，或者怨恨；他最在意的是让人们精神放松，感觉舒服。他随时留意和他在一起的人们；他对羞怯的人温柔，对疏远的人和蔼，对荒谬的人仁慈，他能够记得他正在和谁说话；他警惕不说不合时宜的影射的话，也不涉及可能惹人恼火的话题；他与人交谈时很少突出自己，也从不表示厌倦。他对自己做的好事则是轻描淡写，本来是在给予，看上去却像是在接受。除非迫不得已，他从不谈论自己，也从不为了替自己辩护而反驳别人，他从不听流言或蜚语，对于干扰他的人，他从不轻易说他们动机不良，他解释一切事情总是出于好意。与人有了争端，他从不刻薄，也不小气，从不乘人之危，从不为了争辩而误解别人的人格或尖利的言辞，或者暗示那些他不敢说出口的邪恶的事情。他从有远见的审慎的观点出发，遵守古代圣贤的座右铭：我们应该这样对待我们的敌人，好像他终有一天会成为我们的朋友。他明达睿智，不因受辱而激怒；他孜孜不怠，无暇对自己所受的伤害耿耿于怀，也懒于为此而心怀恶意。在哲学的原则上，他表现出耐心、宽容和顺从；他正视痛苦，因为痛苦不可避免，他忍受丧亲之痛，因为失去的亲人不可挽回，他屈从于死亡，因为死亡是他最终的归宿。假如他与人进行争论，他那训练有素的智力使他避免犯那些智力更强然而却缺乏教育的人们常犯的粗鲁和失礼，那些人如同粗钝的武器，乱劈乱砍，而不是公正地争论，他们曲解论点，在枝节问题上浪费精力，他们误解对手，把问题弄得比原来更为复杂。他的意见可能是对的，也可能是错的，但是，他的头脑非常清醒，不至于不公正；正像他强劲一样，他很朴素，正像他果断一样，他很简洁。
约翰·H. 纽曼(1801—1890)，英国神学家，出生在伦敦，他的第一部著作为《四世纪的阿里乌》(The Arians of the Fourth Century ，1833)。其他作品有《英国的天主教教义》(The Present Position of Catholics in England,1851 )，《各种场合的布道》(Sermons Preached on Various Occasions， 1857)，《赞同入门书》(An Essay in Aid of a Grammar of Assent, 1870，写信念的哲学)等。